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Fic: I Know This Little Chapel on Betazed (Jim/Bones)
Title:I Know This Little Chapel on Betazed
Pairing: Jim/Bones
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1200 words
Summary: Bones is grumpy. Jim gets hit upside the head with a cluestick.
Notes: A FLUFFY BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR THE FABULOUS![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
xenstuff (with apologies for the lack of bow ties)
I Know This Little Chapel on Betazed
Jim - Kirk, Captain James T. - drums his fingers on the arm of his chair, swings his right foot, crosses his legs, uncrosses them, swivels a little to the left, wonders if Spock is finding anything interesting in the scans of that nebula, swivels a little to the right, wonders if maybe Uhura could be provoked into...no, dammit, he's bored. Sighing, he gets up to wander the bridge, looking official (he has totally learned how to look official, thank you very much). And busy. And not bored at all. Or distracted. Not like he's thinking about the fact that he totally got married last week.
Another planet, another weird alien bonding ritual, another wedding. Not like he and Bones haven't done this before. (But this is the first time they skipped the wedding night? He counts mentally and...yep, every other time he got a wedding night!)
Okay, he is totally distracted.
And something needs to be done about this wedding night business.
"Spock," he starts to say, but the damn Vulcan cuts him off.
"Yes, Captain, I have the conn."
"Great!" He practically runs down to Medical. Cuz he is totally professional like that.
- - -
"Jim, I'm busy!"
"Too busy to talk to your captain, Chief Medical Officer?"
"Of course not. I'm just saying that just because the bridge is all quiet on the western front, doesn't mean I'm not dealing with an outbreak of Andorian shingles on deck 17."
"That stuff again?"
"No, not really. I'm in the middle of some very important research. It's why we're out here, isn't it? Exploration!"
"So, what are you working on, Bones?
"A cure for Waldenström macroglobulinemia, and it ain't exactly easy going, so off you go." Bones pushes him out the door and Jim is six steps back down the corridor before he realizes what just happened.
"Hey! That's just a type of cancer! That stuff was cured more than a hundred years ago!" But Bones obviously doesn't want him around, so he wanders the ship for a while. Thinking. (Not brooding, not at all. Just, why is Bones being all avoid-y?)
- - -
It's not that Jim is particularly slow or stupid (quite the opposite, in fact), it's just that this one has got him stumped. He thought he and Bones had something good going on. And now, after their sixth or so wedding, Bones is absolutely avoiding him and throwing him out of Medical with weird excuses.
It's time to seek some outside perspective.
- - -
"Well, of course I have," he blusters while Uhura gives him one of those looks he is sure she learned from Spock. Or Spock learned from her. Whatever. It's a disapproving, you-really-are-an-idiot look. "I'm sure...I mean..."
"So you've never actually said it."
"I really am an idiot."
She doesn't disagree.
A plan to correct this...egregious omission...is beginning to form in his mind.
- - -
"You know I hate these formal dinners, Jim. Trussed up like some infernal monkey."
"Can't be helped. See you there, Bones!"
- - -
It's a really fantastic plan, he has to admit. And it all goes swimmingly until Bones shows up to dinner and finds out it's not actually all the senior crew, it's just the two of them. Maybe the candles are too much?
But, damn, Bones looks fine. And Jim finds himself uncharacteristically speechless for a few dangerous seconds as Bones nearly makes his escape.
Only nearly. Because Jim gets in his way before he can actually get out the door, and then with a couple quick keystrokes on the door console, they're locked in.
"Jim." It's a great growl Bones has got, and for once Jim is a little scared, but hey, he is totally doing this.
"Look, Bones. I'm sorry about the subterfuge. But I needed to get you here. So I could tell you that I'm sorry for being the galaxy's biggest genius-level idiot."
"What are you talking about, Jim?"
He runs a finger under the collar of his dress uniform, paces back to the table - the one with the candles that maybe weren't such a great idea. "How many different planets, how many times have we been married now, Bones?"
"Seven." Bones' scowl deepens.
"And every time, we've, well, every time we've been married, there's been a, well, a, we've..."
"We've had sex, you mean."
"Exactly."
"What are you getting at, Jim."
"Except this last time! We didn't have sex. And I think I figured out why."
"You have?"
"It's because I fucked up."
"What? No, Jim. It's not..."
"No, I fucked things up, and I'm going to fix it."
"Fix what?"
"Us! Bones, I love you! I want to marry marry you, not just occasionally have the best night of my life because we land on some bass-ackwards planet with a high priestess of weird and a demanding higher being."
"Are you forgetting - I've done the married married thing before, and it went to straight to hell and that's a two-way street, divorce. I'm not...easy to live with, Jim."
"Did you miss the part where I said I Love You?"
"Of course I didn't miss it! I love you too, you harebrained idiot. But that doesn't mean we should get married!"
"You love me, too? Bones! I've been living with your grumpy Southern ass for years now, and I'm telling you - we're getting married."
"We're already married! Seven times!"
"Then what's to argue about? We love each other, and we're married. So now we're going to have a romantic candlelight dinner and then screw each other's brains out."
"Ji-"
"Nope. We can fight in the morning. And then you can screw my brains out. And then we can fight in the afternoon. And then I'll give you the best damn blowjob you've ever had. And then we can fight some more over dinner. And then more screwing. You see where I'm going with this?"
"I think I'm getting it."
"Awesome!"
"But I'm not sure you can do better than that time at the Academy, night after finals, that was definitely the best head I've ever had."
"A challenge, Bones. Consider me up to the occasion."
"Of course you are."
"How 'bout we screw first and have dinner later."
"Are you done talking?"
"Totally."
"Last one naked on the bed is bottom."
- - -
"Bo-ones. Da-amn. We are so married."
"Don't I know it."
Pairing: Jim/Bones
Rating: PG-13
Length: ~1200 words
Summary: Bones is grumpy. Jim gets hit upside the head with a cluestick.
Notes: A FLUFFY BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR THE FABULOUS
xenstuff (with apologies for the lack of bow ties)I Know This Little Chapel on Betazed
Jim - Kirk, Captain James T. - drums his fingers on the arm of his chair, swings his right foot, crosses his legs, uncrosses them, swivels a little to the left, wonders if Spock is finding anything interesting in the scans of that nebula, swivels a little to the right, wonders if maybe Uhura could be provoked into...no, dammit, he's bored. Sighing, he gets up to wander the bridge, looking official (he has totally learned how to look official, thank you very much). And busy. And not bored at all. Or distracted. Not like he's thinking about the fact that he totally got married last week.
Another planet, another weird alien bonding ritual, another wedding. Not like he and Bones haven't done this before. (But this is the first time they skipped the wedding night? He counts mentally and...yep, every other time he got a wedding night!)
Okay, he is totally distracted.
And something needs to be done about this wedding night business.
"Spock," he starts to say, but the damn Vulcan cuts him off.
"Yes, Captain, I have the conn."
"Great!" He practically runs down to Medical. Cuz he is totally professional like that.
- - -
"Jim, I'm busy!"
"Too busy to talk to your captain, Chief Medical Officer?"
"Of course not. I'm just saying that just because the bridge is all quiet on the western front, doesn't mean I'm not dealing with an outbreak of Andorian shingles on deck 17."
"That stuff again?"
"No, not really. I'm in the middle of some very important research. It's why we're out here, isn't it? Exploration!"
"So, what are you working on, Bones?
"A cure for Waldenström macroglobulinemia, and it ain't exactly easy going, so off you go." Bones pushes him out the door and Jim is six steps back down the corridor before he realizes what just happened.
"Hey! That's just a type of cancer! That stuff was cured more than a hundred years ago!" But Bones obviously doesn't want him around, so he wanders the ship for a while. Thinking. (Not brooding, not at all. Just, why is Bones being all avoid-y?)
- - -
It's not that Jim is particularly slow or stupid (quite the opposite, in fact), it's just that this one has got him stumped. He thought he and Bones had something good going on. And now, after their sixth or so wedding, Bones is absolutely avoiding him and throwing him out of Medical with weird excuses.
It's time to seek some outside perspective.
- - -
"Well, of course I have," he blusters while Uhura gives him one of those looks he is sure she learned from Spock. Or Spock learned from her. Whatever. It's a disapproving, you-really-are-an-idiot look. "I'm sure...I mean..."
"So you've never actually said it."
"I really am an idiot."
She doesn't disagree.
A plan to correct this...egregious omission...is beginning to form in his mind.
- - -
"You know I hate these formal dinners, Jim. Trussed up like some infernal monkey."
"Can't be helped. See you there, Bones!"
- - -
It's a really fantastic plan, he has to admit. And it all goes swimmingly until Bones shows up to dinner and finds out it's not actually all the senior crew, it's just the two of them. Maybe the candles are too much?
But, damn, Bones looks fine. And Jim finds himself uncharacteristically speechless for a few dangerous seconds as Bones nearly makes his escape.
Only nearly. Because Jim gets in his way before he can actually get out the door, and then with a couple quick keystrokes on the door console, they're locked in.
"Jim." It's a great growl Bones has got, and for once Jim is a little scared, but hey, he is totally doing this.
"Look, Bones. I'm sorry about the subterfuge. But I needed to get you here. So I could tell you that I'm sorry for being the galaxy's biggest genius-level idiot."
"What are you talking about, Jim?"
He runs a finger under the collar of his dress uniform, paces back to the table - the one with the candles that maybe weren't such a great idea. "How many different planets, how many times have we been married now, Bones?"
"Seven." Bones' scowl deepens.
"And every time, we've, well, every time we've been married, there's been a, well, a, we've..."
"We've had sex, you mean."
"Exactly."
"What are you getting at, Jim."
"Except this last time! We didn't have sex. And I think I figured out why."
"You have?"
"It's because I fucked up."
"What? No, Jim. It's not..."
"No, I fucked things up, and I'm going to fix it."
"Fix what?"
"Us! Bones, I love you! I want to marry marry you, not just occasionally have the best night of my life because we land on some bass-ackwards planet with a high priestess of weird and a demanding higher being."
"Are you forgetting - I've done the married married thing before, and it went to straight to hell and that's a two-way street, divorce. I'm not...easy to live with, Jim."
"Did you miss the part where I said I Love You?"
"Of course I didn't miss it! I love you too, you harebrained idiot. But that doesn't mean we should get married!"
"You love me, too? Bones! I've been living with your grumpy Southern ass for years now, and I'm telling you - we're getting married."
"We're already married! Seven times!"
"Then what's to argue about? We love each other, and we're married. So now we're going to have a romantic candlelight dinner and then screw each other's brains out."
"Ji-"
"Nope. We can fight in the morning. And then you can screw my brains out. And then we can fight in the afternoon. And then I'll give you the best damn blowjob you've ever had. And then we can fight some more over dinner. And then more screwing. You see where I'm going with this?"
"I think I'm getting it."
"Awesome!"
"But I'm not sure you can do better than that time at the Academy, night after finals, that was definitely the best head I've ever had."
"A challenge, Bones. Consider me up to the occasion."
"Of course you are."
"How 'bout we screw first and have dinner later."
"Are you done talking?"
"Totally."
"Last one naked on the bed is bottom."
- - -
"Bo-ones. Da-amn. We are so married."
"Don't I know it."
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Jim and Bones are so very married! :D
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Thanks for sharing this with us.
"T"
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*giggles*